I… see… gym douche bags
What exactly is a gym douche bag?
You would know one if you saw one.
Predominately these are guys in their late teens to early 30 (although I’ve seen a few special breeds that go all the way into the 50s), walking around with their Beats By Dre headphones, Ed Hardy T-shirts, reeking of some abrasive cologne, while they take selfies in the gym mirror and talking about “dem gains bruh.”
That starting to jog your memory a bit?
How does one contract this herpes-like disease?
I personally theorized it was a werewolf bite during the full moon due to their scarcity, but later, I recently learned you can get this through commenting online, hating on someone in better shape than you, OR wearing an Affliction T-shirt covered in rhinestones.
Good to know.
BUT… let’s say you’re new to the gym world and not quite sure what to look for, or you may fear your slowly transforming into one of these creatures.
Let me give you some signs that you have spotted a gym douche bag or, heaven forbid, are slowly transforming into one.
1. They start their workouts with curls for the girls, ends them with suns out guns out.
This person typically walks in and heads straight to dumbbell rack and proceeds to “warm up” with dumbbell curls, all the while standing in front the rack flexing their traps like a high school wrestler. Then when their workout is done, they proceed to “cool down” with more curls to pump back up before leaving the gym
If this sounds like you, or anyone you know, then here’s my recommendation on how to treat this bicep dysmorphia:
Instead of warming up with curls, why not try doing a combination of close-grip bench press, or dips, and neutral grip pull-ups.
They (or you) will get a significant muscular overload, activating more muscle fibers in the body than from the 35 pound dumbbell curls and more growth will ensue.
Now, this does not mean you don’t have to abstain from a dumbbell curl, just don’t start out with it.
2. They walk in with a designer T-shirt with slits cut down the sides.
This one needs very little explanation.
For the love of god, wear a damn t-shirt; a loose fitted athletic shirt would be best. Now, gym douche bags MAY want to go all out and get a leotard from Under Armor or Lululemon, but DON’T. This is just putting a Band-Aid on the original problem and has been known to spawn a hybrid of the gym douche bag which is the other end of the spectrum. I’ll save that for another warning report.
3. They take selfies between each set to post online.
#workinghard #pumping #yolo #madgainz #beastmode
You’ll see these people sitting on the bench spending more time texting on their phone then you will actually see them working out.
You can do 2 things.
Number one: You can set the phone on airplane mode so this way you cannot, or they cannot, do mad texting during a workout.
Number Two: Give them, or yourself, a very structured rest time of no more than 45 seconds because during that time you should be more focused on recovering and mentally preparing yourself for your next set. This will allow the douche bag to focus more on the workout and less on impressing their IG friends.
4. The skinny-fat douche bag bragging about how he eats pop tarts for his diet because it fits your macros (IIFYM).
These people tend to love to brag about how they can eat crappy food and still make mad gains because it still fits their macros. Yet the same person probably only has abs because he’s skinny or they weigh less than 170 pounds and can’t bench-press their body weight.
If you, or anyone you know, tend to fall into the “skinny fat” category, eating Oreos and pop tarts after every workout should not be considered “IIFYM.”
IIFYM can be manipulated differently for each type of person, but for the skinny fat gym douche bag, they need to spend more time eating slow digesting carbs with a high-protein and moderate fat diet and only splurging one to two times a week.
(Seriously, the reason they have a gut is because they eat too much processed crap and have too much insulin elevation for their body).
What to do next
If you think you fall into any of the above categories and have made it this far in the blog then there is still hope! Don’t give up, this can be cured!
Now, if you know of anyone close to you that fits any of the above categories, be wary with giving them advice, because like children they don’t always want to take their medicine and you may succumb to statements such as “do you even lift brah?”
Do you know of any other way to identify a gym douche bag? If so, do you comment below and let’s see if we can’t slowly reduce their population and make it safer for the rest of us.
In Health and Awesomeness,
Travis Merritt, BS, CPT, (and other letters behind the name) is the Owner of Rowlett Transformation Center in Rowlett, TX.
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